So Bush comes in to town,

Part 1.

I wish my title were the beginning of a joke. But no such luck, President Bush came to Bogotá on a Sunday for exactly six hours and fifty-six minutes. He brought with him Laura and 6,000 people, mainly security and probably a royal food tester. Though the food tester is not confirmed and is probably a rumor. There are lots of rumors, secret escape routes, missiles pointed at Colombia, and more spies on the streets than Bogotános.

Five days before his arrival the city is already tense. You see more police and military on the streets. We live near the National University, historically a hot bed of activism and well known for having the city’s best rock throwers. When there is a protest it usually starts and ends at the university, with rocks flying and cops throwing tear gas. So the Friday before his highness arrives the university unofficially shuts down. As students fail to arrive individual professors cancel classes. As the day goes on you hear rumbling down the street. I quickly come to the conclusion that the biggest danger to Bush is a rock, not a rocket launcher.

Our phone line is suddenly cut, and so is our Internet access. Since our Internet connection is via a cable modem to have the two services cut simultaneously does not make sense. We wonder if we forgot to pay the bills. When we call the phone company the automated recording informs us that there are “repairing” lines in our area, near the U.S. Embassy, and downtown near the presidential palace. So, sorry for the inconvenience.

Testing our connection after a while we can get national web-pages, El Tiempo, and El Heraldo come in fine, New York Times, Yahoo, Google, are blocked. Cable-Net issues an apology via the local news outlets, they are having technical difficulties. Repairs must be made during the weekend. My Colombian paranoia kicks in-the Gringos are cutting off communication! We end up with out service for forty-eight hours, the right amount of time for Bush to arrive and leave.

As a result we decide to spend the weekend at home. I was invited to go out dancing Saturday night but cancel. Twenty-four hours before Bushes arrival there is dry law enforced. No alcohol from 1am Saturday until 1am Sunday. All the clubs would close early, and on Sunday there will be no beer with your lunch. In a town were el carajillo is an everyday afternoon drink you soon realize it is a very boring weekend if you are not planning on throwing rocks.

The city comes to a standstill, you hardly see a soul on the streets. Bush’s welcoming committee consists of a half a dozen people along Kennedy avenue. The avenue named for President Kennedy during his 1961 visit. He went down the avenue with Jackie by his side. A whole neighborhood is named after him. People still remember nostalgically the last great and friendly American president who waved to them from his convertible. OK convertible today is probably not a great idea, but it is friendlier than the decoy motorcade that fools the half of dozen locals hoping to get a glimpse of Bush. When Clinton came to Cartagena, he was pronounced a saint by the locals and his photos were put on altars right next to el niño dios (the christ child, if anybody has image an please send it to me). It didn´t hurt that whole streets and neighborhoods were repaved to have his motorcade pass by. There is a whole bunch of eight and nine year old boys named Clinton running around the coast. And no he did not father them, his warmth and charisma charmed the pants off Cartageneros who are jaded by tourists.

With Bushes visit CNN continuously announces how brave it is for him to come to Colombia. And what a security risk he is taking, the usual bad rap, down to a nice mention of all the rebel and insurgency groups we have. President Uribe and the Colombian army would rather be caught with their pants down with a thirteen year-old boy prostitute than have the wind ruin Bush hairdo. The city feels locked down tight.

As usual the American’s aren’t taking any risks. They proceed to publicly humiliate the Colombian army in plain view of the television cameras. All weapons must be inspected by the FBI, and they line all the Colombian soldiers and one by one take their weapons inspect them and send them on their merry way. They do this to all soldiers, from the presidential guards to generals. I am not a big fan of the Colombian army but instead of having the security check in a tented off area they do it in plain sight. It is as if daddy came home and he needs to make sure you washed behind your ears and he does it in front of all your friends.

next: so what can you do in Bogotá in six hours and fifty-six minutes?